I can name the day when my attitude started changing.
Beginning to flip-flop from: “Everything’s fine...” to: “Y’know what? Life’s too short...”
It was Monday the 14th September 2015 when it started. A sunny day as I recall, only a week and a half before my 57th birthday.
It was also the day I was admitted to Auckland Hospital after two episodes. As in: Heart attacks. Albeit ‘minor’ ones.
At first, I was all: “It’s just a warning...” And I was back at work the next Monday morning. As I pointed out in my “About Me” bio for this blog, in doing so, I’d ignored my doctor’s, my wife’s, and even my sons’ advice. What a plonker yeah?
But, like any other insidious thought that gnaws away at your conscious mind, it began to dawn on me. Slowly at first, then with increasing clarity and urgency: What the hell was I doing here? With my so-called career? In this country? More importantly perhaps: With my life?
With such cheery questions firmly in mind now, I proceeded to lose it over the next year. Along with our kids, who’d both decided to leave the country for pastures new. Not because of me, I must hasten to add!
No … I’m talking about the will to work here. I wanted ‘out’: Out of the rat-race; out of my 32-year career; and out of New Zealand. I’d had enough. Life, I’d decided, was for living.
And I’m so doing that now!
It was Monday the 14th September 2015 when it started. A sunny day as I recall, only a week and a half before my 57th birthday.
 |
| Me in Auckland Hospital |
At first, I was all: “It’s just a warning...” And I was back at work the next Monday morning. As I pointed out in my “About Me” bio for this blog, in doing so, I’d ignored my doctor’s, my wife’s, and even my sons’ advice. What a plonker yeah?
But, like any other insidious thought that gnaws away at your conscious mind, it began to dawn on me. Slowly at first, then with increasing clarity and urgency: What the hell was I doing here? With my so-called career? In this country? More importantly perhaps: With my life?
With such cheery questions firmly in mind now, I proceeded to lose it over the next year. Along with our kids, who’d both decided to leave the country for pastures new. Not because of me, I must hasten to add!
No … I’m talking about the will to work here. I wanted ‘out’: Out of the rat-race; out of my 32-year career; and out of New Zealand. I’d had enough. Life, I’d decided, was for living.
And I’m so doing that now!
Keep Busy
They say nostalgia is wasted on the young.
And it’s true! I mean: Why be nostalgic when you’ve way more future than history? You should be looking forward ... not back.
Looking back is something reserved for someone … say … my age! Now I have way more history than future to look forward to.
And I don’t mind that. ‘Cause that’s just the way life is, of course. Plus, I’m not quite ready yet to “rage against the dying of the light...”
So, now that I’m retired and got (apparently!) way more time on my hands than I’ve ever had, I can now ‘indulge myself’ and wallow in said nostalgia. Which I’ve taken to mean: Get on with those things you’ve been promising yourself (and others) you’d do.
 |
| Our sons ... in Kos, Greece |
The ‘family photos’ thing has been enjoyable and frustrating in about equal measure. Some are 60-plus years old, and haven’t aged well, given the old tech used to take ‘em!
My family tree has been full of revelations. Many not so good. For every war hero and heroic mum who raised a dozen children … there’s two drunks and loadsa kids born out of wedlock.
As for my Italian? I’m lazy, so the less said about that the better, I’m afraid!
The most important thing is to keep busy though, right?
Legacy Systems
One other thing that comes to mind, now I’m getting old(er) is ‘legacy’.
By that I mean: The lasting impact on others of events, actions, and so on, that’ve taken place in my life. Yup! I’m in that particular phase right now, and have been since my (early) retirement.
 |
| Such sweet memories... |
Which is somewhat encouraging!
But analogies aside, legacy is something that does concern me. And many others of a similar age, I’m very sure. What are we leaving behind us, when we’ve gone? Oh, I’m not at all being maudlin about it, it’s just a fact of life.
Alice and I can count ourselves very lucky because we have that greatest of all legacies, of course: Our children. But what of the more mundane things? What footprint will I leave behind?
Well, this blog for one! Which is one of the reasons I started it in the first place. Then there’s the family tree I’ve already mentioned … along with scanning in all those family pics.
Of course, while these things are all important, as already stated, what’s even more so is the impact you’ve had on others’ lives down the years.
And hopefully still have even today.
No comments:
Post a Comment